-Fayetteville, AK

Local meat packer and city booster Ken Garsh's frustration with U.S.D.A's citiations and PETA protesters finally reached a point where "something had to be done."

Ken called on some old friends from his cowboy days to help him out: rodeo clowns. "These protesters are so full of bull, rodeo clowns seemed only natural to get them off of chasing me down," Ken explained in the sudden quiet in front of Garsh Meats on Highway 6 near the gas station.

"It worked great," Ken beamed. "They just followed them down the road to the next town like a pied piper. Now they're someone else's problem."

Ken was so pleased with the results of his, and the clowns, efforts he is planning to consult in other protestor problems. "Put Andy Rooney in front of Planned Parenthood. That'll frighten both sides off."