Milt Abel is a stand-up comedian traveling the world, and places closer.


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Cozumel January 14, 2011

By Milt Abel | January 24, 2011

| January 24, 2011

Cozumel January 14, 2011
two big ships

Why is it that every hotel, and most cruise ships for that matter, think that directly above the toilet is a great place to store your supply of clean towels? I think otherwise. This custom must have been engineered by a woman, who is more likely to have the lid down, and certainly more likely to have the bowl covered when in use. Guys are more apt to have the bowl exposed, both the seat and lid raised, and grabbing a towel draped with others from a bar, or folded amongst a stack, becomes a carny game; how many towels can we get into the bowl with a single pull?
At home my wife has repeatedly asked me to keep the lid down on the toilet at all times -except when in use of course, impossible to successfully complete your mission with the lid down. It is more refined to keep the lid down, I’ll agree. An open toilet seat implies that at our house we wait to the very last minute to dart for the bathroom, and can’t afford that extra second to raise the lid. It’s more efficient to keep the lid up, but less elegant; and I’m sure my wife would argue ‘If there’s an opportunity to be elegant in a bathroom, take it.’
In my stand-up I’ve always been reluctant to use gender-generalizations; “men do this and women do that”, because it’s presumptive and occasionally wrong. I remember hearing one comic espouse that women like to shop and men hate it. I like to shop. Either he said something that was untrue, or I’m a woman trapped in a man’s body. Without a lot of reflection I can tell you that he lied. It would have been more accurate if he’d said, ‘women tend to like shopping and men tend not to.’ But comedy isn’t about being accurate nearly as much as it is about being funny. Unfortunately I thought this comic had missed on both counts.
So I’m cautious when I do bring up gender-generalizations, especially onstage. I do use them, but with the caveat that the generalization has to be somewhat subtle and insightful, so those not included will be at least be entertained enough to think, ‘funny, I never thought of that.’ The gender-generalization joke I use most often:

“Women are the only gender who will give a gift for no occasion whatsoever, ‘I thought it was perfect for you, I wanted you to have it.’ You’ll never see a guy give another guy a gift for no reason whatsoever. (the following said with an insanely pleased and eager expression on my face) ‘Go ahead, Bob. Open it. It’s pajamas!’ You’ll never see that.”

guys giving gifts
* here’s a recording of it performed January 18th during a late night set on the Voyager of the Seas.*

Women always leave the seat down because they never raise it, except to clean the thing, and they are more inclined to drop down the lid afterwards because it’s just one thing, and sitting is a more contemplative position. Men on the other hand, are less likely to lower both the seat and the lid because, on most bathroom visits, we’re already standing as it is: it’s just too simple to turn and walk out the door, without so much as a thought. It makes you wonder if voting booths allowed you to sit while you cast your vote the country might not have as many problems as it does right now.

The photo above is when the Voyager of the Seas and the Freedom of the Seas were docked side by side in Cozumel January 14. For about four years the Voyager of the Seas was the largest cruise ship afloat, the the largest was the Freedom -the ship on the right is slightly larger, can you tell? There’s even larger ships now, but these two are in the top ten: Royal Caribbean has four other ships built just like the Voyager, and two more ‘Freedom’ class ships. Adding their crew and passengers. when these two ships show up they bring in almost ten thousand people. I certainly hope they call first.

Topics: comedy, cruise ship | No Comments »